Leo Cardenas, 1972 California Angels

While I’m sure they seemed wildly different at the time (one’s from Matanzas, Cuba while the other’s from the heart of America, Granite City, Illinois, dammit), Leo “Chico” Cardenas and Dal Maxvill seem remarkably similar in context. They were about the same size (Leo was reportedly one inch shorter, three pounds heavier), both received some MVP love (Dal finished 20th in 1968, Leo finished 21st twice and 12th once), both won Gold Gloves (as if I cared), and both were ludicrously bad hitters. Cardenas, a five-time All-Star who played the majority of his career in Cincinnati and Minnesota, was nicknamed “Mr. Automatic,” presumably based on the type of out he represented. To be fair to Mr. Cardenas, he did finish with an OPS+ of 100 or higher four times and, in 1971, the year before he set a largely unwanted offensive record, he swatted the ball at a 107 OPS+ for the Twinkies. This occasional offensive production is surely why Cardenas’s similarity scores show him to be a comparable player to occasionally-decent hitters like Greg Gagne and Mike Bordick, whereas Dal Maxvill – Leo’s natural foil in many ways – is most comparable to the likes of Hal Lanier (who possesses his own entry on this very blog), Dick Schoefield, and Rafael Belliard. But, I should note, that Chico’s occasionally decent offence was just that – occasional. In 1972, his offence went AWOL, never to return. Luckily, things got bad enough that Cardenas actually set a record that year, too. Getting a full season of playing time, presumably based on the strength of his 1971 season, Cardenas became the first player to appear in 150 games but score fewer than 30 runs. He collected 602 plate appearances but only crossed the plate 25 times. Such is the fate for players with .223/.272/.283 slash lines, though Leo’s 70 OPS+ still didn’t quite enter Maxvillian territory. Following his record-setting affair, Cardenas moved on to Cleveland (1973) and Texas (1974/5) before retiring and collecting 1 Hall of Fame vote in 1981, placing him exactly one spot ahead of – you guessed it – Dal Maxvill.

Note: Leo Cardenas – he of the 88 career OPS+ - is 74th all-time in intentional walks, having finished first in 1965 and 1966. This may be the most amazing fact about professional baseball you will ever read.

Record:
150+ G, 30- R

Stu Flythe, 1936 Philadelphia Athletics

I had no idea what a "flythe" was until recently. Intuitively, it sounds like a bird. The speckled flythe. How would I know that it was a Durham-born NC State pitching product who lasted all of one season with a miserable Athletics team? It certainly didn't resemble a ballplayer. Flythe became the only pitcher to throw 15 or more (16) wild pitches in under forty innings (39.1), tossing pitches into the dirt, the stands, and the backstop on his way to accumulating a comical 13.04 ERA and 2.797 WHIP. On the plus side, Flythe posted batting numbers (.579 OPS) that put Hal Lanier to shame. I do apologize to the family of Mr. Flythe, but that's the only sheen I can give to this ridiculous career.

Record:
15+ wild pitches, 40- innings pitched

Hal Lanier, 1968 San Francisco Giants

Sometimes I feel like, if you wanted to manage in the Major Leagues before 1998, you'd be best served taking a few rising fastballs to the head first. I mean, you'd think that Giants manager Herman Franks, who had led his club to a 279-206 record over the previous three seasons, would have the wherewithal to look at the Twins and mutter "what the shit is Ermer doing keeping Versalles in the lineup?" Apparently this was not the case, however. Enter: Hal Lanier, 25 year-old starting shortstop and son of former All Star Max Lanier. Though Hal wasn't prohibitively terrible with the bat his rookie year (75 OPS+ in 1964), he had gotten worse each of the following three years (51, 50, 48), culminating in a 38 OPS+ in 1968. How bad is a 38+ OPS? Well, in 2008, Andruw Jones's historically terrible season gained him a 34. Meanwhile, Kenji Johjima's craptacular season yielded a 64. But Lanier's cancer bat didn't concern Coach Franks, and Lanier became the only player in history to accumulate 500 or more plate appearances (518) with an on-base percentage of .225 or lower (.222). This didn't have to be the case, but Lanier didn't want to fuck up his .461 OPS by walking more than twelve times. God, Herman Franks was a moron.

Record:
500+ plate appearances, .225- on-base percentage